Toxic

A friend once said to me that when times are hard, I am beautiful and unique flower who instead of receiving nutrients and clean fresh water, was being suffocated by dirt, sewage and a toxic environment. It was this unhealthy cocktail that was causing my lack of growth, my self pity and eventually my lack of self worth. At first it just seemed like a profound but very confusing analogy but as time when on, those harsh conditions and so called 'dirt' became more apparent. They had been hiding out in the cracks of my life; my contagious and unhealthy friends.

As a good friend now faces a situation similar to one which i have experienced and in some cases still experiencing now, those words have returned to bring deep reflection and finally... to make sense.

Is there such a thing as a toxic environment, where negativity is served up for breakfast and pure bitchiness served up for lunch? Perhaps there are places where cultures has breed bad manners and bad friends. People who are so consumed with their own well-being they will tread on others to make sure their needs are served above others. I would like to say no there aren't toxic people out there. They are just individuals who supposedly mean well but it backfires. However perhaps I was naive in that conclusion. There are those who want more from you than you can physically and emotional serve up and they want it on a silver plater with caviar. There are families that though parade a facade of normality, behind closed doors inhale dysfunctionality and exhale depression. They just don't talk about it. No one talks about. They let the thick fog hang; and just like second hand smoke it's everywhere and it kills.

Perhaps there are guys that are bent on being brainless and sharing that brainlessness, that ugliness; hurting whatever good people are in their path and yes.... girls too. Bitchiness is what we were born to do; some more than others.

It's incredible how people survive in these treacherous environment. They try everyday to walk past that negativity, to move past those childish methods of 'dealing'. They are the ones that give people second chances, time and time again, only to receive a slap in the face; To be hurt and to be made a fool off. At some point they start thinking that perhaps... just perhaps I am the magnet for my own demise. After all what are the chances that so many of these kind of people exist in one city, one place and that I encounter them on a daily basis. Unfortunately, these good people begin to digest the negativity and even serve some back because you know what? there just isn't anything else. Once that happens, it becomes a sad day for everyone. When you have known criticism all your life, that is all you will learn to see and all you give back. When you have learnt hurt and pain all life, that is what you will expect at every corner and sadly such psychology breeds results.

It took a long time to learn this and to be honest I am still learning. That is learning to say 'I owe you nothing and moreover you do not own me or the right to mould me'; because bad friends are like bad cholesterols, you just need a diet and good exercise plan. You need to cut out the bad stuff, bring in the new fresh salads. You need to find your own plan, your own place where you can be you and you can really learn to appreciate that good person that you are. Toxic is what toxic does, it corrupts and it erodes and it damages. You wouldn't stand in the way of second hand smoke or expose yourself to dangerous chemicals except of course if you looooooooooooveeee botox and cosmetic surgery, so why let yourself be emotionally throw, dragged and beaten to the ground.

Erykah badu once sang
'because i pick my friend like i pick my food...'

Once you count the tears and the heartache. It all becomes clear, bad friends are no friends so why keep them. I use to say it's because I need them cause I don't want to be alone BUT they need US, they need those kind and generous souls to manipulate and put down so they can feel high. At what point do we let go and just say screw you?